Thursday, November 27, 2014

Confessions of a Failed Author #13


 So today was the day I cashed my first cheque. From Amazon. For writing a book. Just a hundred bucks (as in dollar bucks). Yeah not a huge deal. Thing is you can't just go to any bank to cash it, you have to go to like the Head Branch. And then they check your balance to...well, to fucking see what your balance is.

 See, if the cheque bounces they need to know whether they can just deduct the money they gave you from what you have in your own account. Well, sorry dudes, as of right now there's not much of a balance to play dodgems with.
 "What is your salary per month sir?"
 "Ummm...I don't earn a salary."
 "What was it you said you did sir?"
"I'm a fucked up writer."
 "Oh I understand."

 Thing is, they explained (as if to a very young, intellectually challenged child) if you get a cheque worth more than R20 000, it's going to cost R2000 to have it verified (although verified wasn't quite the word they used though). No chance of a R20 000 ($2000) cheque, I promised (with absolute sincerity).

 Happy that I wouldn't be troubling them with large sums of money, they stamped my Wells Fargo cheque and sent little ol' me on my way.

 I suppose I should point out that that first cheque was for the first two months of my first two books sales on Amazon. I was selling them at bottom dollar (literally for a 30% royalty off $0.99), so I was literally earning about R3 on every book sold... 'cos I didn't know any better. Cos I'm a dick.
Anyway, I've since hoiked the price up a tad. Oh and last night I also published this little novella because, ja, I'm an asshole; and I still don't know any better.  I just don't understand who the idiots are that are actually buying this kak.  You put it up and someone (make that 2 someones) instantly buys it.  Which means I have bucks for some dinner, and I can put away this can of beans (yes, I literally do have cans of beans for dinner) for a rainy day.  Well, another rainy day, besides this one.

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