I’m not 100% sure why I am sitting down to type you a message first but perhaps it says alot about what’s going on here. Today was one of my best friend’s engagements and I wanted to stay longer. I was enjoying myself, but it’s over now. You have picked on me incessantly, since you got back from CT and I understand that you are sick, but it’s nasty. Yesterday wasn’t nice for either of us but we managed to pull through and communicate well enough to show our care for each other is greater than the drama that attacked us.
I was not flirting with anyone today. I feel sick that you suggested that and that you made a scene at the table and made us leave early. I’m terribly disappointed in how the day ended and how you left me. We are living in a double-standard relationship where you can be mad about how I deal with stuff when you are very quick to act, cold and offish, when you are unhappy. Every five seconds I hear how you’ve dated another chick. You really have dated a lot of people, yet you get upset if I mention one funny story with a long term boyfriend. I do everything to make you happy, and to not say anything to rock the boat with you. You do everything to throw tantrums in front of people. I have been upset by you for two days now.
I’m so upset, I left Darren’s party early. So upset I can’t get that day back. I’m scared of you sometimes, and of how you snap at me, and how will react to me sometimes. You make me happy 90% of the time, and I think we are amazing together but I am not some other bitch now trying to kill your vibe.
I am the girl who let go with you, even when I was scared out of my mind to. I am the girl who fell in love with you and wanted to tell you this weekend. But I am also the girl who gets sidestepped when you are in a shit mood. When I feel you have done so why try anymore? I get snapped at, and told my accent and voices are annoying. I touch your neck to show you I care. You tell me to stop. Stop chewing gum. Do this. Don’t do that. You don’t want to hear stuff. Cut me off. Your endorsements. Your reputation. Your impression of someone innocent blown out of proportion fucked up a special day for me. I’m sorry if you truly felt I was hitting on my friend Sam’s husband. And I’m sorry that you think that little of me.
From the outside I think it looks like we are a struggle and maybe that’s what we are. I just want to love and be loved, be happy and make someone so happy. Maybe we can’t do that for each other because right now I know you aren’t happy and I’m certainly very unhappy and sad.