Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Transformers 2: Summer gets stoopid

SHOOT: Sorry doods, I'm going to break rank here and call this beautifully filmed toy story what it is - eye candy for kids (stoopid kids). Transformers is evidence that you can spend hundreds of millions - the special effects in this are killer - and you're still left with an empty shell of a movie. Young teens and tweens might like it, and get something out of it. But if you don't play with toys any more you might be wondering what Megan Fox is doing in the story. The slow motion candy shots of her start to jarr...are her lips really that big, have they been botoxed or is that CGI. If you're preoccupied with these thoughts your movie is in trouble. If the whole flick had been set on campus it may have been a huge hit. It's as engrossing and horrible and expensive as a car wreck, but just as quickly forgotten. 6/10 [Rotten Tomatoes gives it 57%]

Other comments I agreed with:

With Transformers, director Michael Bay has once again claimed the year’s top honors for loud, stupid filmmaking.

A dizzying summer adventure, Transformers is a film to worship for its set pieces and chastise for its inscrutable storytelling.

Divorced from reality, even movie reality, Transformers becomes an action film in traction. Its relentless product placement makes it seem like a 2hr. 22min. General Motors commercial. And the film has just enough collisions to be a crashing bore. - Richard Corliss, TIME

A movie of epically assaultive noise and nonsense.

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Skip work. Go see it. (image: Dreamworks)

9: Megan Fox is in it. While there are rumors that she’s actually CGI-animated herself, Megan Fox is proving that she’s much more than just eye candy. She’s eye candy that can run really fast from giant CGI robots.

CGI or Flesh & Blood? You decide! (image: Google)

4: Peter Cullen is still the voice of Optimus Prime. He damn well better be. The studio probably didn’t want to even bother considering a Transformers movie until Cullen signed on. The fan outcry when the first one was in the works was so huge, that there was no chance it would have made any money without him. Prime only has one voice.

Isn't he dreamy ladies? (image: Google)
Also voiced by Welker. (image: Google)

2: It’s not Wolverine. Which means it’s a movie full of giant space robots beating the crap out of each other. That is, no matter what happens you won’t be set up for disappointment.

1: There is no school. It’s summer. Your kids don’t need an excuse to be pulled out of school to go see a movie. You’re the only one that needs an excuse. And now you’ve got ten. Go get your kids and a couple giant tubs of popcorn and let me know how awesome it is
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