Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Lightning Crashes

Today is 34, another hot day.

But enough about the weather. It's a heady day, not least because I broke up with Fransa last night. I have to say, I don't feel she deserved to be broken up with (no that people always do) since, while we were together, she was incredibly giving and supportive and sincere.

I could focus on the negatives but I'm not going to; I'm not sure they matter and I'm not sure they're anyone's business but ours. I think it suffices to say we're different, and perhaps those differences aren't important, but I began to feel that they were.

This has been an important relationship in my life, one of only a few that made it beyond a year. Before I made the call, I had one of those moments filled with flashbacks, of her sitting on my lap, chuckling, the look of love in her eyes. It's a terrible thing having to break a connection like that, and I still am not in sufficiently emotional clear skies to be confident that I've done the best thing - not just for her, but for me.

Love conquers all, they say, and I must confess, I feel a little ashamed that I don't subscribe to that mantra more than I do.

I hope to remain involved and supportive and a friend, but of course, it's difficult. I didn't do this at a particularly good time for her (or even for me), but then, when is a good time.

I feel in general that relationships need to be more about sharing than conflict, and I think the balance got a biut out of whack (for me). Once again, I feel very conflicted saying this.

From here it's a lonely road, but possibly to a better vista, I hope, for both of us.

No comments: