Thursday, April 28, 2005

Certainty and Truth

I didn't think I would, but I find I can identify a lot with McCandless, both in terms of his idealism (which seems to clash with actuality) and his upbringing, which seems harmless and normal at first take.

It's interesting how he took a keen interest in running, and the author is very acute; he picks up on the fact that running is a sport where sheer determination, and perserverance offer a reward. That sort of mindless full focus pays off in running, but in life, if you invest yourself like that you can wind up in a lot of trouble. He wound up dead (the picture above was a self portrait taken not long before he died of starvation, his body was found on a bunk, in a blue sleeping bag at the back of the bus). I look at my own energy commitments, and I can see that while it is good to be able to conjure up resources like that, you can also end up squandering them if you're not contextualising what you are doing enough.

I'm concerned that I might be doing that now.

It's an interesting read, Into The Wild, because I realise the reasoning behind some of the strange impulses that drift under my skin. It sometimes feels like boldness, or madness. Like McCandless, I am fascinated by vast and desolate places.

The story is helping me construct a more realistic vestibule, so to speak, I just mean the construction of a better beginning, a better doorway into the Half Full Moon. I know what the setting must be, and the lines. I am not quite sure of the route, and the characterisation, the personal mission, and the personality, those details need clarity. I guess it sounds like I am not clear about anything!
Into The Wild seems to address a lot of the questions I have been asking about the allure of deserts, and the emptiness that drives some of us into the wild.

The emptiness seems to have no explanation, seems to be a kind of insanity, until one is able to scratch away the dust, pass beyond the ordinary surfaces that fool so many, into the deep deep darkness below.

It's good, at the very least, that all things have a certainty and truth about them. If only we can remember that when it doesn't seem so.

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